BSG: Everyone Is So Angry

There's a lot of angst in the world, for some reason. No one really ever seems able to get rid of their angst. I assume that if we found a way to eliminate angst, then there wouldn't be either any entertainment or need for entertainment. In this respect, angst in a good thing.


Even in the future, there's a lot of angst. Cheif (who is no longer Cheif, but now Petty Officer Tyrol), Tigh, Adama, Roslin, Baltar - these are all very angsty people.


Take the Cheif for example. He's swamped with greif over his wife's suicide, thinking that it was his position as a Cylon that drove her to such (when really, it was not a suicide, but murder). So angsty is he that, in a dramatic turn from the beginning funeral, where he spoke up one side and down the other on how Callie was the light of his eye, the spring in his step, the dead skin cells in his hair, et cetera, he goes on a drunken tirade, and claims that Callie was a form of settling, that he was really supposed to be with Boomer and that Callie represented a life chosen from a limited stock, a life forced upon him. As a result of his defaming Callie, the Admiral demotes him.

Tyrol has always been one of my favorite characters, simply because his emotions were pretty well guarded. Besides one second season episode, detailing his fear that he, too, is a Cylon (which, wink wink, was true), he was very clouded - his relationship with Callie even more so. I'm not sure what to make of his ramblings - whether or not we're supposed to believe that Callie was settling, and as replusive as he described - but it was a speech I had been waiting for.

Tigh, still trying to find his way without anyone knowing he's lost, attaches himself to the Number Six. He wants to know how to cope with guilt, with everything from Ellen, the wife he murdered, to his own position as a Cylon. Guilt seems to be to Battlestar was fate is to LOST - the overarching theme. The show's supposed to be, underneath, about humanity dealing with guilt. Guilt equals angst, and so on. Six, instead, launches into a speech on her love for Baltar. Tigh hallucinates and sees his Ellen giving the same speech, making Tigh and Baltar interchangable, at least to the women they love.

Oh, and then Tigh asks Six to hit him as hard as she can.

Baltar, angst because his cult was being raided by the ominous sounding Sons of Ares, fights the man. He storms a local church service, acting like Jesus driving out the merchants, and points out something that many people gloss over: Zeus was, in fact, a serial rapist. But he's doing much of this initial stuff against his will. He's actually forced by his hallucinations to march upon armed guards, who beat him senseless. This experience, however, fuels his own Sermon on the Mount type speech. Baltar believing in himself? That's scary.

And I listed Roslin as angsty, but that may very well be simply because she is dying. Can't help that. And this episode she felt like she had to point out at every turn that she really was dying. Though this time it is carrying much more weight than last - look, this is a wig. Look, this is my funeral. Look, this is my love. Will Adama and Roslin ever get over their respect angsts to come out and say that? Maybe in the season finale.

IN OTHER NEWS, Tori thinks herself perfect and sans guilt, Tigh and Six start a fight club, Tigh and Six may have started a relationship, and there were three seconds of Starbuck because the producers could not think of any way to fit her in outside of montage.

Will the crew of Galatica ever get over their angst, make amends with their dads, and finally get the girl who's currently dating the cool kid in school? Only My Chemical Romance knows. But, again, I'm assuming everything will be just peachy at the end.

BSG: And There Shall Be No More Happiness

The Ties That Bind, the third episode of the season, pretty much killed all happiness and good will fostered by the previous showing. Since it's the beginning of the season, I can only guess that it's downhill from here. So, way to go, Battlestar Galatica.

Adama and Roslin made up the same way that they always do: by pretending that nothing ever happened. I swear, there are no apologies needed in the fleet; Lee expounded a little on this theory in Baltar's trial, but pretty much forgiveness is floating around in the air. There's probably a forgiveness ship in tow, processing sins and churning out saints. So, Adama and Roslin are back to buddy buddy old flames, though I'm guessing Adama's son will cause a little rough water. Real sons always have issues with step mothers.

Lee has finally made his last transition from pilot to politician, with was hailed with one of those, I don't know what I'm doing moments, a Mr. Smith Goes to Washington move of standing up in court and saying something that gets shoved right back. Lee here, however, is a little manipulated by Tom Zerek, the current vice president, ex subversive, and former Captain Apollo in the 1970s. Apparently, Roslin's turning the fleet into a facist state, with a Madonna at the lead. Doesn't fly with Lee, who lets freedom ring even with scumbags like Baltar. So he calls her out: with Zerek's help (which is undoubtedly fueled by selfish motivation), Lee reveals Roslin's preliminary plans for a tribunal answerable only to her, with powers to hold and try anyone. Just like the Cylons on New Caprica.

Needless to say, there is little love being lost between Lee and Roslin, at the moment.

Little love lost between the Cylons, too. (Where are these people losing love? Can they find it? Do they need help?) An all out civil war has erupted following the self aware status of the Centurions and the move to unbox D'Anna and find the Final Five. Brother Cavil, who is carrying on a May-December fling with Boomer, ugh...ugh. Oh man. Let me recover.

Brother Cavil pretty much broke bread all over the Six and her crew, in such a way that bread need not be broken no longer: he destroyed the Six controlled ships in an area where downloading, and thus resurrecting, is impossible. How will the wronged party return? Well, they'll find a way. Cavil's too creepy to win. Also, Cavil might in fact be the creator of the Cylon skin jobs. He seems so intent on keeping rank and law that he must have some sort of stake in this beyond what the other models see. But that's wild supposition.

Kara's sewage ship, which somehow hand picked the biggest brains on Galatica, is lost. Actually, it's dirty, and it's lost. The disorder might be the first problem. No one actually thought to clean up the sewage ship before heading out, or even in the down time while traveling. Sewage helmets, and I'm only assuming they are thus, cover the tables where these people eat. That rules out any form of a three second rule. Another explanation might be that there was a raging costume party the night before.

It has been three weeks since they launched, and everyone hates Kara except Sam, who has nothing but puppy love, and Helo, who is incapable of ill will. Kara sits in her private quarters on the space version of the ship from Heart of Darkness, painting pictures and changing her mind. She also likes to mess with Sam's heartstrings, but, let's be honest, he doesn't stand a chance. She's slipping, she tells him, as if her body is an alien form. Yes, she has a one way ticket to a climatic death come end season.

But the kicker to the show was Cally, Cheif, and Tori. Cliff notes: Cally commits suicide, Cheif becomes depressed, and Tori is a bad guy. But I have to get something off of my chest. Cally has always been the one character I hated. She has a fat face and a bad delievery. The producers were wise to keep her in the background, and I even began to like her innocent flirting and adrupt marriage with the Cheif. However, whenever she said anything or got angry or was shown at all as the center of a shot, I hated her. I so glad she's gone. Next, Tori has always been teh one character I strongly disliked. She always looks as if she's been drugged and she is not, I repeat not a looker. I thought I was to get a two-fer in that airlock, but no.

The question is, Tori? No doubt her motivation comes from Baltar, who she might have love at first sight with. His absence from this episode is a strong indicator that he instructed her to do so, which means he probably knows everything Tori does. He has his theories about Hera, the Cylon-human hybrid. Finding out that the Cheif was a Cylon, meant that his baby was also a hybrid, and fundamental to the future. Thus, Tori was sent to comandeer the child and knock off an annoying character.

This begins what would seem to be one big spiral for the Cheif. I loved the flashbacks, and the reminders of the happiness of the seasons past, and how young and thin he looked back then, but really, that's the happiest we'll see him till this show ends. He's in a corner, and dangerous in the same degree of Tori (who, still at Roslin's side, could be sowing much more damage than just one kill).

IN OTHER NEWS, all familiar faces not needed were exported to a sewage ship, Kara married Sam because he was pathetic, Sam got a very pathetic tattoo, I like Sam and Sam's tattoo, am I pathetic?

Like Cheif, I suspect that, given the relationships that have been destroyed (all save Helo, that mirror of constants), right about now is the time that characters are going through that unhappy stage that has to come before the happy stage in fiction. So, no more happiness until the end. I'm reminded of the point in The Muppet's Christmas Carol, where, when the action gets a little scary, narrators Gonzo and Rizzo peace out, telling the audience, "we'll see you in the lobby."

BSG: Wipe Those Tears Away, Soldier...Sailor...Whatever

For the second episode of the final season of Battlestar Galatica, Six of One, which concerned all those fickle space characters and their all important life goals, was pretty up ending. Not a whole lot of people died. In fact, only Cylons died, which doesn't exactly count. Considering that the producers have promised to kill off a great deal many people, I guess they're just storing up backpayments for the grand finale, which will be all madness and mayhem, plus just an inkling of hope.

No, as could have been guessed, Kara did not shoot Roslin, because that would have stopped about half the wheels in the story machine. Instead, Roslin tried to shoot Kara, and ending up shooting a picture of her and the admiral. Heavy handed foreshadowing? Okay, so it is. But at least they're going somewhere. Adama and Roslin haven't been at odds since the first season of the show, and have been lovey dovey since, making out like an old married couple. Well, now they are having drunken fights like an old married couple. I was almost afraid that Adama was to backhand Roslin, but it didn't come to blows. It just ended in Adama saying, "You can stay in my room, but stay out of my head." Ouch. I guess we won't be healing that wound in the next couple of episodes.

Yes, Adama's having a hard time. Roslin, his lady love, is dying and he is not the person to talk about such things. Plus, his psuedo daughter may be a Cylon and is on the fast track to execution, like Texas except in a space craft. Finally, his son is leaving the service after three seasons.

Yes, Lee leaves his job as CAG, which gets readily associated with JAG in my mind for some obvious connections, both in plot and name, in a move precipitated by last season, when he adruptly quit in yet another father son arguement. This time it stuck, however, and he went through a montage carbon copied from those times that soap operas waved goodbye to their departing stars. Lee will not be leaving the show, though, because he is yet another wheel in the story machine. He still has work to do. It was nice, though, to have that moment of happiness, to see he and his father in the happy moments in between, and all our favorite pilots (Hot Dog? Where have you been?).

In the Cylon fleet, everything went to bedlam, which, as we all know, was a famous English mental hospital. Three of the models wanted to lobotomize the raiders, the TIE fighter doohickeys: these are led by Cavil, who seems to be trying to keep the Cylons functioning as they are meant to, keep them honest. The three remaining, of course, oppose this. So the solution is to uninhibit the Centurions (read Storm Troopers) and let them off the offending parties. Mirror image of what happened to the humans to start this whole thing? The next step, involving the victors who are so keen on finding the Final Five within the human fleet, will probably be to unbox D'Anna, who has seen their faces. The reason I guess this is because D'Anna's still on the cast list. I know, genius.

The Core Four, in the fleet, are still searching for the fifth, though, and send Tori to use her womanly ways on Baltar, now the leader of a woman cult. You'd think he'd be able to withstand a little seduction, but Baltar is Baltar, and now he's seeing visions of himself, which (or who) gives him advice on what he would do. What? Exactly. Although I don't understand it, it's darned funny to hear the Brothers Baltar talk through his thought process and compliment one another. And nothing was really accomplished; they may or may not have made a baby, but that's to be seen. No information was exchanged, minus numbers.

Finally, when everyone thought Kara was to be thrown out the airlock, Adama gives her a ship, and crew, and Helo, the Man Mountain, to go find Earth her way. His reason was simple: he was tired of Roslin being right. Score one for masculinity! Stick it to the woman! Though now that I think of it, it kind of hurts, knowing Adama and Roslin, the very cute gerry atrics, are now at odds, and fighting one another in very diplomatic ways. Sigh.

IN OTHER NEWS, Lee and Dee went through a very civil divorce which involved no ceremony at all, Lee and Kara still have emotional baggage to sort through, Tori may be falling for Baltar, Adama and Roslin are on the rocks, and this really is turning into a soap opera.

Since it has taken me this long to watch and write about Battlestar, my comfort is a new episode is standing in the wings. So hurrah and good luck to you, my friend.

BSG: Morning Glory And Hallelujah, Commander

After almost a year, I have thrown off my sack cloth and cleaned myself up (kind of), because Battlestar has returned. I breifly put said sack cloth back on after learning that the season will be split into two: one ten episode run this spring, and a final ten episode run either this fall or next spring, immediately preceding the Seven Trumpets and Jesus Christ's Second Coming, because, let's face it, after Battlestar goes off the air, God's work will be finished.

A week ago, my computer metaphorical exploded, leaving me in a literal stupor. Yes, the sack cloth came back out of the closet, but I recently put the Apple to rest under a tree in my Roman backyard. As Andrew Bird says, "ScotchGuard Macintoshes will be carbonized." Well said, Mr. Bird, whatever it is you meant to say.

So I had to watch the season premier on an old jalopy desktop in the school studio, the whole dragness of which I felt in the opening minutes. The initial battle that just flows out like the water that turns the turbines of a dam was amazing to watch even in a screen that would be forced to scale down my fist to fit it in (and I almost put my fist into the screen, at a point where I was having buffering problems). Talk about grabbing the audience by the horns, or, in the case of audience members who don't have horns, the hair.

So much for the people who weren't entirely read up on their Battlestar. I guess that means Joe Kane is the only person reading this post. High Five, Joe!

The Four, that being Tigh, Anders, Cheif, and Tori, spent the episode flopping like fish, trying to get ahold of their new existence as robots. Tigh day dreamed of killing Adama, and Anders was unable to engage the enemy in combat. There was a friendship pow-wow, where it seemed like Tigh said, "There shall be no more nonsense," and produced a gun for a group suicide party, which everyone heartily agreed to, but that was left as is. Figures there wasn't any resolution.

When flying, Anders did make awkward eye contact with a Cylon raider, in which Anders eye turned red, and the Cylons retreated. Basically, the Cylon raiders recognized a Cylon, but the human models can't; this is explained in the third season, where the Cylon toasters can't distinguish between the human models. Does this mean the Final Five are of the same makeup? And will Anders' Bright Lite eye come into play, as receiving some sort of orders?

Baltar has become a leader of a girls-only-plus-two-extra-guys-just-in-case cult, where they commune with their mathematically challenged god(s) through love. And Baltar thinks it sucks. What's up with that? Also, what is up with Baltar getting religious? The ultimate atheist fell to his knees with vulnerabilty to pray for a sick child - the only thing keeping the scene in character was the fact that he made a point that he didn't want forgiveness. This is as suspicious as the number of gods the cult worships.

Kara is back, and medical survey says not a Cylon (duh. Too easy). She claims to have some sort of Contact-esque experience, remembering only bits and pieces of the six hours she claims to have been gone; everyone else remembers the two months that passed since she died. So Roslin calls shenanigans on her and locks her up, but apparently with a doctor's note that says she can go wherever she feels like. She does have pictures of Earth, and a little voice in her head that tells her the fleet is going the wrong way. Roslin however believes in the saying, "ice in the knees, ice in the threes," which doesn't really apply to the situation, she just believes it. She also believes in being cold hearted and calculating, and continues on the fleets current course, till Starbuck puts a gun to her head. End Scene.

IN OTHER NEWS, Apollo quits the flying gig, ergo Apollo can't be called Apollo anymore, Anders confesses undying love to Kara and Kara pretty much says that at some point in the future, she will kill Anders, Helo just can't stop himself from being everyone's best friend, and for some reason Roslin is shacking up with Adama.

Next week will probably begin with Roslin not getting shot, and then Kara will probably be in big trouble. And at some point, Lee will probably have to have a reason to stay on Galatica. I mean, he can't really not live there and still be in the action, but he needs an excuse. Hey, Baltar found one (overlooked compartment? Questionable). Overall: Yeah for Battlestar!

BSG: A Brief Course

This one's for Joe Kane.

I like to backup my assertions about science fiction with hard science fact, so here it goes. In June, at a summit of the brightest minds on the face and body of the Earth, on a summit of a mountain, no less, a panel of scientists were asked what would happen in the final season of the television show Battlestar Galatica. After several hours discussion, the scientists admitted they had no clue, but they could guesstimate that it would look like all the worst parts of the Bible, but with a positive spin. Four of the five then voiced their opinion on Trident Gum.

Well, those scientists are about to find out.

This Friday, April 4th, Battlestar returns in its fourth and final season, going down in a blaze of glory after NBC told it to can itself. But Battlestar cannot be canned. Nay, it cannot be contained, because it is the greatest form of entertainment ever since Plato's Cave, and arguably better than that, because even Plato wasn't so high on that concept. It is certainly the best thing you'll ever see, so sit down and listen up.

The producers took a sheet out of LOST's playbook (unfortunately, said sheet didn't have any spoilers) and spliced up all three previous seasons into one eight minute short, found here on YouTube. They actually used the same narrator as the LOST promo, with the same deadpan (thank you, anonymous narrator, for pointing out that papers have no corners in the future).

In the past week, I've taken it upon myself to watch half of the 22 episode long third season, in order to give a full account and be well read, in a sense, before the final opener. So:

FINAL FIVE: The big one. There's twelve Cylon models, we only know seven, blah blah blah - in the previous finale, however, we found out four of the final five: Cheif, Anders, Tori, and Tigh, all of which scream irony, because they are all so vocal about their Cylon hatred. The real question is how Cylony are they? As opposed to many copies, there seems to be only one of each. In D'Anna's vision of the Final Five, they seemed more like demigods than Cylon brethren. So, yes, they're still good. They're meant to lead the humans to Earth.

FINAL FIFTH: The really big one. There's still one Cylon left, and undoubtedly he/she/it is the trump card of fate. I'm ruling out Adama - possibly Roslin, the dying president, merely because she is that dying leader who will take her people to the promised land. Sounds like someone's fulfilling their fate/programming...but the next robot is certainly not Starbuck.

STARBUCK: Not dead. Even though she died in the latter half of season three, she came back at the end, during the crescendo of Dylan's All Along the Watchtower (because, obviously, that's the Cylon theme song). She promised she had been to Earth, and would take the humans to their new home. Is she the fifth Cylon? Certainly not. Too easy. No, we're getting into some sort of metaphysical territory here. Angel/Spirit/Super intelligent shade of blue?

EARTH: Last shot of the last episode was that of Earth, or more specifically, America, because that's pretty much Earth in a nutshell. What time period will it be when the fleet arrives? Hopefully not present day, because that would be a cheese factory, and would only serve to date and hamper the Greatest Show on Earth (Not Under a Big Top). I think it will be primordial Earth, and the fleet will serve as our ancestors. Or something along those lines.

EVERYONE ELSE: Baltar's now a cult leader, Apollo's now a civilian, Adama and Roslin are now about to hook up like old people, and Helo's even yet still awesome.

MANNIE FRESH: As with LOST, rumors of a guest appearance as the Fifth have proven not 

true, and so with small powers of deduction one can assume he will not be performing his hit single, "Real Big," with all the pimps and hos of the fleet.

Friday, April 4th. Be there, or be a Cylon collaborator. And we wouldn't want that.

I Am Hired As Immigrant Labor

Last night my friend Virginia the Architect and I were in my personal domain, the cafe Bros, having coffee, when I was approached by the owner Claudio. He sat down in the middle of a private conversation and began speaking with incredible speed in languages including, but possibly not limited to, English, Italian, and Portuguese (as Bros is a Brazilian bar). After several minutes, I was trying my darnedest not to wear my confused face, but Claudio noticed. So he concluded his speil by asking, "Agreed?" I responded, "Si," and we shook hands. Then I shook my head.

After Virginia left, I went back to Claudio, sat across from him, and asked him to speak once more, a little slower. I'm still not exactly sure what all was said, but I did catch a few key points: 1) Aurora University is an American institution in Rome, 2) Aurora University has reserved Bros next week for a private party, and 3) Claudio told them I would host it.

I'm not completely familiar with international law, but from my limited understanding, I don't think that I can legally work in Rome on a student visa. Does this make me an alien (something I've always wanted to be)? At the very least, it puts me in the same situation that many families are in, in Northwest Arkansas.

The specifics, as I understand them, involve me contacting Aurora University, arranging all the specifics, and hosting the party next Friday, April 4th (which, coincidentally, is the premier of Battlestar Galatica - I didn't tell Claudio this). I believe I will be paid in coffee beans.

Fun Fact of the Day: Coffee beans were used as currency in Ancient Egypt.

Only now am I beginning to understand the extent of the damage my mother incurred when she was here. I introduced her to Claudio, and, in my absence, she told him to take special care of me. Ever since them, Claudio has called me by name, given me free coffee and appetizers, used my computer to check his mail, asked me to fix his own computer, and generally hosted me old fashioned. Normally this would be a relationship I could only wish for - my own private coffee confidant. But early on in the semester I claimed Bros as my workshop - I usually spend several hours a week there, writing. In the last few days, I've been seeking out another place to write in, because everytime I go into Bros, Claudio wants to be nice to me.

Not content with taking simple care of me, he felt he needed to offer me a job.

LOST: And Now For Something Completely Different

In this final episode until the longest month of my life is over (beware of the ides of March, I was told; I should have listened), we get what feels like three separate vignettes: real time Freighter, past time Michael, and the obligatory cliff hanger ending, real time Island. This new format, the Tarantino, is questionable. As much as I like to defer to the hidden wisdom of the High Council of the LOST Scribes, I must protest the ending. It had nothing to do with the story, and felt like the ending to Great Expectations: as if, after feeling an initial reaction of everyone not having their hearts leap out of their bodies at the sheer glory of the original ending, the author went back and modified it to give the audience what they wanted. Dickens added a romance. LOST added two deaths and yet another cliff hanger.

So, first, Ben, with the collected self that seems to say, "I know how this is going to end," sent his daughter Alex, her boyfriend Karl, and her birth mother Danielle off to join the others in the specified Other's Special Place. Halfway through their journey, Danielle and Karl kick the bucket by way of bullets and leave Alex to surrender. The question: Freighter fire or Friendly fire? Certainly, the silencers on those guns seem above the technological reach of the Others' armory, and in flashback Michael witnessed the freighter crew gearing for battle, but when in the world did they land a strike team on island? It seems that the initial team, minus Miles, would abhor the thought of violence, and I'm betting that Frank would refuse to fly such warriors to the fray. The other option would be that Ben sent his rival in parental affections as well as the boy who might knock up his daughter on a one way mission. This seems the easy way out of such a cliffhanger, and I fear that it is the truth.

But the real story was Michael's. I for one liked seeing the consequences of his leaving the Island. At the end of season two, there were many questions, and the first being, how does Michael explain his sudden reappearance? Well, apparently he doesn't. And thus his life sucks.

So a man with nothing to lose, and hungering for some sort of redemption that flows like a river motif throughout LOST, is recruited by (a finally out of the closet) Tom to wreck the ship. It all proceeds pretty much in a standard line from there, except for the part where I could have sworn Michael and Naomi were going to be crushing on one another. But in all truth, I just desperately want Naomi back in the show somehow.

Oh, and P.S.: the Island is a demigod. Huh. It won't let Michael commit suicide. And it seems that the Island has the power to reach across half the world, into Manhattan, and project images of the dead. So, in a show that revolves so continuously around fate, we are finally given the fate machine, The Great and Terrible Oz, the Island.

The new information we were fed was the fact that it wasn't Ben, but Widmore who planted the plane between the palisades of the ocean floor. Now, this might start an argument as to who is telling the truth, but the Widmore story is not only backed up with paper evidence, but makes more sense: as someone who wants to be the only one to find the Island, dealing with the rest of the world in one move is much more to his advantage than Ben's, because, from Ben's point of view, no one yet has been able to find the Island, so why attempt such an expensive misdirection?

IN OTHER NEWS, Karl dyed his hair then died, George used to be really cool, a clean Danielle looks the same as one who has been dirty for seventeen years, a clean Danielle died a very bad death for a character with her abilities on the show and her ability to scare me in real life, and, gosh darnit, why can't they work Naomi back into the story?

And as we say goodbye to LOST, we are reminded of the immortal words of Semisonic, that "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." Yes, Battlestar Galactica starts next Friday, April 4th, so take your pants off now, because the premier will knock them off, anyway.

BSG: Who Can Resist An Update?

Battlestar Galatica is notorious for its lack of update, flow of information, and general secrecy, not because of the want of disguise, but because, sadly, there just isn't the demand for it. Shows like LOST can motivate millions of people to participate in off-season teaser games, but Battlestar lies in wait, hibernating until a week or so before the start (which is, by the way, April 4), when people begin to pay attention.

And Battlestar, being all that is good and pure spectacle, welcomes the prodigal children back with open, albeit robotic, arms.

After some scouring, I came up with this five minute short, detailing some tidbits for the fourth and final season. Yes, Battlestar is passing on, but if it has to die, it's gonna die last. That's right, it will depart on it's own terms, which hopefully involves superfluous explosions and the character Helo being crowned king of Earth (and yes, he did sign that picture. But it's addressed to Steve, which I find ironic.). That's how I would have it.

Said video comes out of the network, HypaSpace, which, though I've never heard tale of it, I'm pretty sure is a very hip place to hang out, virtual-wise. Find the video here.