Comprehensive SciFi Rundown

Steve, my apologies. It's been a good deal over a week now, and you've had no updates. So I'll give you the Cliff Notes version.

Heroes: HRG dies, HRG comes back to life, Mohinder is a terrible field operative, secret or not, Kristen Bell was mishandled as a child (ambiguous?), West is now creepy in a winning sort of way, and Adam Morton is trying to kil everyone...but that's kind of obvious.

Mass Effect: Greatest story ever told (yes, Jesus appeared), shortest Bioware game ever told (if you hold the run button continuously), worst vehicle combat ever experienced. Okay, that last one was not true, I just put it in there for purposes of flow.

Battlestar: Admiral Cain was a lesbian, Commander Adama was the person to discover the organic Cylon project, the Cyclon's god is actually destroyed by an American nuke. Or Caprican, but those two are basically interchangeable.

Specifics, you say? Heroes is steadily climbing upward. There's only two episodes left, and since the series has done nothing but gain steam, I'm assuming that the series finale is actually going to be in 3D, like Beowulf, but this time it will actually grab you but the throat and make you cry tears of black that kills the rest of your housemates. I have to say Battlestar was kind of a letdown. It was pretty much two episodes put together, and if these two episodes occurred in season, they would have been spectacular. However, since I've waited six months for this, and have carved "RAZOR" into the floorboards under my bed, I'm kind of ticked that nothing amazing happened. In all seriousness, I expected a revelation of series finale caliber, some sort of dramatic irony that we could carry into the fourth season, which we know, yet no characters do.

I have declared that Thanksgiving from now on will be called ThanksMassEffect. My Monday night happened just the way I planned it, and, wouldn't you know it, the batteries and Arizona Iced Tea lasted until Friday, when I finally defeated Saren and the Reapers. Using my comprehensive knowledge of video games (I own three) I will rate this game 956 moose out of a thousand possible moose (if you didn't know, the Moose Grading System, or MGS, is the next big thing in terms of scales. It's all the rage in Europe). Pluses: great story, great graphics, American; minuses: short game, a very bad vehicle, a few accents.