Mass Effect attains Baller Status

After weeks of going Gold, Silver and Myrrh, Mass Effect has finally attained Baller Status.

Mass Effect, which releases on Tuesday, is a magnificent space-opera-role-playing-game-reincarnation-of-the-messiah-of-the-console-(aka Phantasy Star Online)-game-America-game. But I'm assuming you already know that, because if you didn't and you're here, you probably took a wrong turn after Google Maps. Look how much good that did you. (Actually, if you're here, just plain jane here, you probably took a wrong turn at Google Maps, too. Except you, Steve.)

Baller Status is an acheivement, like the Gold standard of video games, given prior to the release of media or an event. It is a most coveted award, as in the history of the world it has only been given thrice: for Danny Boyle's Sunshine, for Zachary Quinto's turn as Spock in the J.J. Abram's Star Trek, and for Jesus's return. As of this writing, none of those have happened yet.

So for several months now I have been planning the Monday night before Thanksgiving: I will go to Wal-Mart, and at midnight I will walk off with a copy of Mass Effect, batteries for the Xbox360 controler, and a gallon of Arizona Iced Tea. In fact, I assume next Monday night will be the exact same the world over, except for Singapore, who banned the game, because of a love scene with a genderless alien (?). I say, there's no problems with small doses of asexual alien love (?).

Okay, I'll admit, really awkward space sex makes me rather uncomfortable, but my mother ruled that I cannot marry anyone born above the Mason Dixon Line, and I think the planet Asari falls above said line. And I think that if anything, the bravery it takes to get banned in Singapore (think of the market they'll lose) only merits Baller Status even more.